Life is so wonderful!

Today, I sold a useless (to me only) textbook to a classmate. And then I bought myself a pair of slip-on shoes. I have done something really fantastic to it. Will post the photos up when I'm done.

Meanwhile, I'm a little distracted because my mother's been really cranky lately. And I mean really cranky.

Home is supposed to be a retreat, a haven. Well, supposed to. But instead, I get a visually disturbing dump full of clutter, with walls that have pieces crumbling off, big awful pipes that are rusted beyond repair, yellowing white paint on the walls, leaky taps, faulty sanitary ware, rotting wooden shelves, dining table with a split leg, and the list goes on. You know how audio accompaniment enhances a certain mood? Here, it works via the same principle, only in a totally different way.

Topping it all off is having people at home screaming at each other. Keyword: EACH OTHER. Which means it's between 2 people, and most definitely doesn't include me.

Very frankly, I'm sick and tired of all the shouting and hollering. It does nothing but pisses me off. And nothing gets solved in the end.

My mother, for some unfathomable reason, is very negative. She claims she's cheerful, optimistic and jovial. And she is lying.

Okay, maybe not lying consciously, because she herself is confused. Smiling and laughing do not simply denotes cheerfulness and optimism. It is essentially how you feel inside that determines it. But for my mother, she may be smiling on the outside, but inside, she's all cooped up with all her worries. I have told her that she is not a happy person. And she refuses to admit to it. Confused, I presume.

I'd say she's an extreme pessimist. And she's unwilling to heed my advice on feeling good. She insists on fretting over financial isues and what not. And I do mean insist! She looks at "Fretting over everything" as her long-term goal.

And please do not say to me, "Then the more you should do something!"

I have given her the paints and brushes. That's the most I can go. The canvas is hers to paint. I can do no more if she doesn't wish to get on with the painting.

For that, I can care no less. Very seriously, I do not care. But of course I feel sad over this matter. For me to help, she she's gotta help herself. So you see, there's really notthing much that I can do.

I shall not associate with people who are constantly feeling bad for themselves. This family is not just broke, it's shattered. I'm saying this very matter-of-factly. No running away from facts.

And for goodness' sake! I'M NOT DEPRESSED OR ANYTHING! I've long outgrown that. I'm just, well, painting you a picture of how things are around me. Salvaging the family, I suppose, will be useless because the shattered pieces have evolved. Or at least mine have evolved. You know how puzzle pieces only fit in one way, right? So it's the same thing here.

(You must be wondering, What's up with all the hypothetic talk? Well, nothing. Just felt like it.)

Therefore, when I have the chance to move out to live alone, I shall pounce on the chance at once, against all odds. I'm not being rebellious here. It's just that you're not used to seeing people not conforming to society. I'm a non-conformist. Do things different? It's OKAY.

Very importantly, I'd like to stress that DIFFERENT not equals WRONG. But to my mother, DIFFERENT equals WRONG in every possible way. How do you suppose I can live with that? Any chance at all will be next to nil.

Phew! All that's been said is making me feel just a little dreadful. Oh wait, now I feel peace in my heart. I've got everything off my chest. It's a good feeling. Since I feel extraordinary, I shall tell you a story.

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Wahaha!... Not today! Tomorrow perhaps. See ya!