High Flying

Yesterday morning was really terrible.

I kinda woke up feeling like I've fallen into a bottomless pit. The thing about me is that I either feel really good or really bad. There's no such thing as feeling neutral or okay. Anyways, it was then that my alter ego (Aego) screamed out loud:

"THIS CANNOT GO ON! STOP DELUDING YOURSELF AND GET THE HELL OUT OF BIOTECH! DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK YOU CAN LIVE THROUGH ANOTHER 2 YEARS?! DO YOU?! I'VE BEEN TRYING SO HARD TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT YOU! YOU AND THAT THICK HEAD OF YOURS! JUST WOULDN'T LISTEN! WHADDYA TAKE ME FOR? INVISIBLE? GO GET A LIFE! STOP ALL THE DELUSIONS! WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK? FOLLOW YOUR GODDAMN HEART, YOU LAME-ASS!"
Finally, I can quit telling people that Biotech sucks. And I've to totally agree with Aego.

I've denied myself for far too long and I'm so ready for some kick-ass changes. It shall be the first major change in 2006 and I'm glad it's a good one. I was naive a year back which resulted in a year-long lesson that was learnt. This time, I back with more oomph and sense. I shall not learn another year-long lesson.

Whenever people asked me about what course I'm doing in Poly, I always say that I'm 'doing Biotech'. Well, 'doing' isn't good enough for me. I don't want to just do and not enjoy. I had sent an SMS to a friend in Temasek Polytechnic's Visual Communications. I had asked, "Is it fun?"

An the reply I got was, "Fun? Hmmm... Seriously, it's about passion. If you're not interested, then you're not gonna last."

How true. Everything boils down to passion. I had said some time ago that I would like to be passionate about what I'm doing. And Biotech is way out of the league. It's not even close to what I like. I don't wanna just 'do' my course. I wanna 'pursue' it.

It just sounds that much better right? And it doesn't just look and sound nice. It's gonna feel nice. It's gonna be an enjoyment, a commitment that I'll be willing to make. I don't usually make commitments, but when it comes to the right things, you'll never know what'll happen.

I didn't dare to publish this issue because I felt that I needed to confirm the decision before letting the whole world know (haha!...).

And to confirm my decision, I had to go through the head of the household, my mother. See lah, that's the thing about being a juvenile. Everything also must get parent's permission. Anyways, I was surprised at how easy it went. I was still feeling a little jumpy last night. However, last night hadn't been a great time to tell her anyway. So I waited till tonight to tell her. I was rummaging through my mind as to how to start the conversation. I was that close to freaking out. But since I swear by feeling good, I immediately flip switched to feel good about things.

So, while I was washing the dishes (I cooked pasta for dinner for myself earlier and it tasted fantastic as it always does), I just commented, "(Sigh!) Study until wanna die already."

From that moment on, everything went smoothly as I recounted to her some of my stupid choices and told her about my plans. She even told me to get more info first and gave me other useful information. It's amazing how everything proceeded with such ease.

And so with the green light up, I'm ready to embrace a new beginning.

Congratulations to me!