I Went A-Walking

One of the first prominent trees that 'talked' to me. It's true that trees can talk, you know. I just thought that this tree looked a lot like me; not physically and superficially of course. It stood there tall and alone, which is kinda like me.

Then while being in solitude, the fucking love birds decided to rub it in my faces. Yeah, I know I'm alone and all, I just don't need any reminders, much less from a pair of swans. And why is it that I find them not all that pretty and graceful as believed in general? Plus they make this weird cackled squawks that aren't all that graceful...

It's nice how the droplets catch the setting light. But of course I didn't quite achieve the desirable effect lah. I just know I'll have plenty of fun if I had a DSLR camera. But hey, gimme points for effort lah...

The pretty shrubs the love birds like to hang out under. Nature does have the best colour sense. I like.

Then there's this partially drenched mynah perched on a drain-cap(??) acting majestic. Come on lah, you're a fucking mynah and you're drenched. Act what majestic?!

Another random, pointless shot. I like the colours. Nature has the best colour combinations.

That just kinda sums up my walk in the Botanic Gardens.

P.S. I know this post slightly messed up aesthetically. I know, what's up with the blue first paragraph anyway, right? But I'm too lazy to source for the errors and correcting them. I used Photobucket to host my images for the first time. 

“You Wan Buy PlastiCKbag At 10¢ Each?”

Okay, first things first, my mistake. I don't think peaches are quite in. But I still like the colour, so I'm just gonna continue wearing my peach-coloured tee.

And also, to say I love pink is misleading because it comes across as being princess-y. I love MAGENTA, instead.

So back to my main point:

I went shopping at Ikea Tampines today. I had no idea they were literal in stating that it's a 'self-serve' kinda thing. So much so that I didn't feel quite served as a customer, therefore not much customer service to talk about. And having close-to-none customer service is much worse than having bad customer service.

So I toted their ghastly yellow trashy Ikea shopping bag and plonked in quite a few items: knives and glassware and pots and pans and such(I said cooking is the in thing, right?!).

At check-out, I heaved the ghastly bag onto the conveyor belt. Then the nice cashier told me, “You have to take the items out of the bag,”

Okay... But it really wouldn't hurt for her to take it out herself right? It's not THAT many items in my bag... Then I think I caught a glimpse of a notice stating that we should place our items so that the barcode faces the cashier. Perhaps to ensure efficient check-out flow. But for God's sake!, do I really have to arrange every item so that the freaking UPC stares dead in the cashier's face?!

Then she asks the golden question, “You wan buy plastiCKbag at 10¢ each?” (Word for word, okay! Silent 't', strong 'ck'. And yeah, plastiCKbag is ONE fucking word, kays?)

At first I was taken aback by her question. I thought, “What audacity!” But I replied, “Yeah, sure!”

Then she fucking chuck the plastiCKbag at me! I came to the startling realisation that I had to even pack my own shit... 我靠！then她站在那边摆美啊？！呸！人也不美咯！… 烦leh！

(Translation: Dang! Then what the fuck is she there for?! For ornamental purposes? *spits* Hardly ornate at all! 'Tis a frustrating thing.)

OMG, since I paid electronically, I was thinking I should probably swipe my own card, key my PIN and complete the transaction myself since they're so adamant on* the self-serve policy. Heck, I want to be the one scanning my items too! Then the cashier can just sit and watch while acting ornate(keyword is 'act'. Which suggests the non-existence of beauty and the need to feign).

I mean, company policies aside, out of good will, she could have at least helped me to pack my barang-barang right? Plus it's freaking Monday for God's sake! Can you imagine the crowd at check-out?! Well, by right you shouldn't be able to because there is N O N E. It's so bloody desolate that most of the cashiers end up 打苍蝇而已…

So I only had to assume that she'd rather swat flies than help me pack my stuff...

*P.S. On a total unrelated note, wrong usage of word with 'adamant'. Remember how we should all be advocates of good English? Okay, 'adamant' used in the right context. Just that you are adamant about something. Not adamant on something. Kays?

“I Only Know How To Style Funky,”

Fucking cheebye, I'm in a very foul mood because I got my hair cut.

I wanted a clean silhouette and she fucking go spike it up despite the hair being long and unspikeable. I asked for the length to be retained and I think she freaked out inside. Apparently, she 'dunno' how to cut long-ish haircuts.

But then I've seen her cut girls' hair, so I don't see why she can't handle long-ish hair on a guy's head. I think she's caught up in her own misconception that guy's hair should be short and funky. Nabeh cheebye lah...

Then she explained incoherently what she wanted to do to my hair and I let her cut it anyways. Gosh, kinda dumb on my part, right? I didn't have the balls to reject her, so fuck me lah! Sheesh...

I have not much idea what she did, but she just sliced and sliced and sliced and in the end, I didn't quite like it. 'Asymmetrical' is the buzzword for hairstyles now and asymmetrical was definitely what I got.

But my fucking hairstyle is not balanced at all! 

Symmetry VS Asymmetry. 

Balanced VS Unbalanced.

Two fucking clear factors; can never afford to get mixed up. In every asymmetrical form, there must be the balance aspect. Asymmetry DOES NOT mean unbalanced!

I'm so fucking miffed. I don't know what to do with my hair now. Lost so much volume from her slicing too. Bleargh...

I need to switch stylist, pronto.

We Are Good People

Good people do good things whereas bad people do bad things.

But many a time, we forget that good people are capable of doing BAD things and bad people, likewise, are capable of doing GOOD things.

So are you good or bad?

I would like to think that people are inherently good. 'Bad' is merely personal jurisdiction, therefore highly judgmental.

Maybe we should all be less judgmental...

Little Boxes

OMG, it's stuck in my head but I kinda enjoy it. It's one of those songs that doesn't really end, so you can sing it in a loop for as long as you like. In fact, I had so much fun singing it non-stop for 20 minutes just now! I love the song and I love the show!

Little boxes on the hillside, little boxes made of ticky tacky, little boxes on the hillside, little boxes all the same; There's a green one and a pink one and a blue one and a yellow one, and they're all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same...

Too Cool To Cook?

Face it, you better learn a thing or two about cooking because cooking is the in thing to do! Haha!..

Recently, I officially quit my part-time job at Eng Wah Cinemas. I signed some papers and took the liberty to take a look at my job application form which I filled in back in December 2004. It's bloody freaky how time flies, huh?

2004... when I was 16? Sorry, lazy to do the math and I can't instantly recall. Okay, just to digress a bit, I can never do mental sums anymore. It's irritating some times, but I'm cool with it lah. Ever since choosing the design path, I find it impossible to do maths. I'm just not good with numbers. I'm much better with words.

So back to the application form from 2004; under 'HOBBIES' I wrote 'cooking'. I cracked up immediately after reading it. I felt really silly. Why the fuck would I put cooking as a HOBBY?! Folly of youth?

Okay, if you think it rationally, it's not all that funny nor foolish lah, huh. Cooking is indeed a fun thing to do. From the grocery shopping to the final dinner-on-the-table, what's there not to enjoy?

In fact, you know what? I LOVE COOKING!

I'm just really sorry I don't have much photos nowadays. They say a picture paints a thousand words, but I don't really have a thousand words for you to paint a picture, do I? Just make do with the average 300 words, okay? Plus I believe in painting a picture WITH words, so stop bloody complaining.

Furthermore, if I were to have food in front of me, taking a good photo of it is the LAST thing on my mind.

I marinated 2 kilograms of chicken wings couple of days back with my own secret recipe and it lasted me 2 full days. I love chicken wings and fuck, I make good chicken wings, whether you like it or not.

I don't remember how I came to my own secret marinate recipe. But if I were to guess, it'll probably be because I learnt it from my aunt? Cousin Sheryl's mother. I mean, she showed me the basic stuff to add, and I think from there, I intuitively added my own secret ingredient(s). And voila! I make good wings.

I know the barbecued wings from the hawker centre taste fantastic too! They've always got that crispy skin and juicy insides. It recently dawned on me how they do it.

The 'factory' cooks the wings on skewers in bulk. So your wings at this stage are already cooked, with an even brown tan. But the skin's not crispy yet. Then the 'factory' workers then deliver the cooked wings to the stall. When the order comes in, the sweaty uncle(um, just a stereotype) flames the cooked-wings-on-skewers over a blazing open flame(at least he's got a reason to be sweaty right? And the flame probably kills all the germs in his sweat that splatters onto the wings while cooking lah, huh?). The sweaty uncle flames and chars the wings, till the skin becomes dry but crispy.

Nobody likes mushy wings. Soft mushy skin and succulent insides. I cannot understand why people like to eat the skin on a steamed chicken. Tastes like fatty jelly; makes me throw up.

Oh, I'm also very good with potatoes. I make kick-ass skin-on mashed potatoes. Also kinda like my own recipe, but I think it's rather giveaway on how to make CREAM-y mash, right?

You watch enough Jamie Oliver, Martha Stewart, Surreal Gourmet, Yan Can Cook, Ching's Kitchen, Nigella Lawson, etc and you naturally have the intuition as to what works and what doesn't.

And I always eat my mash with broccoli. Firstly because I like broccoli. Secondly because I like the colour of the broccoli when it get blanched. And thirdly because it just tastes good. Duh.

I'm not a fancy chef lah, just simple home kitchen kinda cook. I do not sauté nor do I julienne. I just chop and mix and dunk. Common sense should suffice and anyone can be a cook!

I live to eat. Once again, no photos because when you're busy cooking, you do not bother to take photos since all you're thinking about is the final destination. And when you're at the final destination, you still don't take photos because all you can think about is savouring your masterpiece with relish.

Weeds

I've kinda started watching Weeds online. Thought it to be not bad at all.

Links here.

Nails, X, Hair, Bengs and Lians

Okay, okay, random things:

I've started to bite my nails again because they were getting long and in the way. For example, I cannot shampoo my hair in peace without accidentally scratching the scalp with the nails. Also, don't you find it gross how quickly and efficiently the nails trap dirt? To fuck with scrubbing underneath the nails. I need simplification, not complication.

And surprisingly, the nails grow fast. I cannot clip my nails for nuts. The non-power hand with the nail clipper is a sad sight. I also find it hard to figure out the perfect shape to trip the nails! Do they just go straight across or do I clip them along a curve?! Bloody distressing! I cannot do that on a weekly basis! Simplification...

I realised biting is the best way to go. You get the joy from indulging in a supposedly bad habit and your nails get trimmed(well, truthfully, more like mowed than trimmed).

Hairianto says I bite my nails because I'm still trying to get out of a relationship. He says I bite my nails because of that one person.

Hell yes, for one person, and that person is myself. I don't know.

I find the nail biting more like closure from the relationship!

Okay, who am I kidding, I don't think I've gotten completely over the whole thing yet. It was just one conversation with Hairianto that I realised, “Fuck, I'm so not over X!”

Sure I say I'm over things, but somehow or other, I'm really not! Hush, hush! Confession here!!

Okay, since we're on that note, I told Kalis I had a V Day date and she flipped. But then 2 weeks before V Day itself, my date dissolved, so we're kinda back to square one eh?

Yeah, it just dissolved! You know, dates come in dissolvable form now? It makes things SO much easier you would not believe it. Gives you that much more room for experimentation. I mean, once you're bored toying with it, you just mix it in water and it dissolves!

I'm so fucking broke I don't have money for a haircut. The wind blows and I have hair all over my face. I hate it; gotta bloody sweep it out of the face. You know, I really have better things to than that. Simplification.

At home, I just tie my hair to death. How to tie your hair to death? You tie the top. You tie the back. The sides just got long enough to irritate your face, so you tie both the sides. So basically I look like fuck at home.

Talking about looking like fuck...

Last Friday, FINALLY went out to party the night away! So I was at Bugis in the evening and got disturbed by a group of cheena Bengs and Lians.

Unfortunately at the up-riding escalator, I was sandwiched between the Lians(front) and the Bengs(back).

Beng excitedly exclaims to the 2 Lians in front, “Hey, hey! Look, look, look!”

Immediately I knew, the fucker was talking about me. I'm terribly sorry that I had a tad more fashion sense and dressed up a bit. And I admit my dress sense was more on the acquired-taste side, but hey, doesn't mean I looked like fuck...

So the Lians, lost in their pink-bling-bling-studded-on-with-cheap-glue-mandopop-tunes-blaring clamshell phones, ignored their Beng friend. The Beng urgently exclaimed 2 more times.

I turned a steely glare to him, then to the Lians.

The Beng then said loudly to his friend, “Eh, I think you should dress like shit also!”

Tsktsk, they're not cheena Bengs and Lians for nothing, I guess. We should just live and let live. I wasn't bitchy at that moment 'cause I was alone, so I didn't really have a comeback. But hey, they're so beneath my anyways. Why would I want to associate myself with them?

The Beng who insulted me looked like fuck himself, so I didn't know where he was coming from. I suppose he just enjoyed disturbing people who have 'made it', you know...

Phone Bill

Nice one! I don't know how it happened, but it did, so deal with it. Isn't that like your dream come true? Well, I live your dream on a monthly basis. Haha! SUCK IT!!!

American Food

I'm having hunger pangs at the moment coupled with the urge to stuff my face with food. And I thought of the jumbo hotdog from Botak Jones; embedded in a heap of cajun fries with a massive dollop of coleslaw on the side.

Billy Bombers is going down because Botak Jones is in town and he's here to stay.

Mother's Encouragement

I got 2 bandanas from Lips Enterprise at Far East Plaza.

1 bandana for S$3. 

2 bandanas for S$6. 

3 bandanas for S$9.

As a consumer, remember you're a budget-conscious kiasu cheap-and-good-is-the-best type of consumer, THAT SIMPLY DOES NOT MAKE SENSE, am I right?

I mean, sure it's logical, 2x3=6 and 3x3=9, but is it fair to you as a cheapskate consumer?! Together with Hairianto, I came up with a more plausible and just pricing scheme:

1 bandana for S$3. 

2 bandanas for S$5. 

3 bandanas for S$8.

My my, don't you find that even more logical? Tsktsk, the people at Lips Enterprise need to know their target consumers better...

Sorry for the motion blur. Can't help it ar; worn out image sensor in a worn out camera.

Anyways, I came home tonight looking like that. Unfortunately for my mother, she came home earlier than I did and had to see my hideous get-up. Okay, just to be fair, what you don't see in the photos is a micro ponytail gracefully fall away from the back of my head, through the space in the cap.

And what better way to end your day out than having your mother encourage you, “恶心咯！装扮到这样！头发还绑到这样！哎哟！恶心咯！”

Translation: “It's disgusting the way you dress up! What's up with the ponytail, anyways?! Puh-lease! It's disgusting!”

And what better way to respond to the aforementioned encouragement than ignoring?!

Singapore Wins Bid To Host 2010 Youth Olympics

Yay! First things first, congratulations to us for winning the bid to host the 2010 Youth Olympic Games! Singapore 2010, Blazing The Trail!

So on the grass patch between The Cathay on Handy Road and the YMCA, we see the two following cardboard cut-outs. Outdoor advertisements for the Singapore 2010 Youth Olympic Games.

Nothing really wrong when you see them individually.

But when you see the full picture...

Please tell me that there's something subliminally wrong with that.

Yeees, A Riddle!

I leave ye with a riddle! I leave ye to ponder!

Check me out!

Drop me a line,

visit my site. 

I pay your bills,

I'm mighty fine. 

Oh! I, too, pay your fines.

I offer extra services. 

I am an AXS machine. 

What am I?

Divorce

If you ever fucking decide to get married, and later on fucking decide to start a family, then you don't ever dare, in the later course of the marriage, fucking decide to get a divorce.

But if divorce is inevitable, then you fucking make sure that it's a peaceful separation. Because after all, remember you fucking have kids?! And while keeping both your interests at heart, don't ever dare fucking forget about how your kids feel because they are tangible flesh and blood that are capable of feeling.

They say that in a divorce, the children are the real victims. I second that, no questions asked.

Imagine a 6-year-old child going through a divorce. Don't you think that everything would be highly confusing for him/her? People say that it's 'better' if the divorce proceeds while the child is young, since the child won't be able to grasp the crux of the matter.

Fuck it, a divorce is never good, much less 'better'. And might one enquire as to what happens when the 6-year-old grows up and develops what one might call a fucking mindset?!

OMG, before it gets highly personal, I'm gonna stop myself.

P.S. In contrast to her hyper-paranoia, I'm über aloof.

Durex Advertisement

Haha! I've got Durex adverts running for this coming week. Nice!

Signboards, Ambiguous Phrases And Redundant Words

Grass for sale! Grass for sale! GRASS FOR SALE!

Love the typeface on the signboard. Very chin-chai-chapalang-whatever kinda cool.

I'd love for some grass at home! Why stick to boring carpets when you can

And then we move on to ambiguous signboards:

Okay, okay, questions: So is it an orchid park or a secondary school? Is it a naval base or a primary school?

It's wondrous how two ambiguous signs are within ten paces of each other.

Because I'm an advocate for good English, I'm gonna throw in something about ambiguous phrases and redundant words. I'm just using one example, but I think it works well enough:

The expression 'discuss about'.

You never ever ever discuss about something. You simply discuss something.

To discuss is to 'talk about'. So if you were to discuss about something, you'd be talking about about something. Why would you wanna talk about about something? Sounds stupid, doesn't it?

Therefore, you either say:

1. Let's discuss our weekend plans with them.

or:

2. Let's talk about our weekend plans with them.

Yay! OMG, don't you feel like your English just improved?

Okay, since we're on this note, I might as well say that 'Bukit Merah Hill' is a fucked up phrase. 

Bukit means hill.

Merah means red.

Bukit Merah means red hill.

Bukit Merah Hill simply translates to Red Hill Hill. Is that not stupid or what?

Friends Are Friends Forever

The Weird Generation

My mother finds it impossible to accept my dress sense. Day in, day out, claiming I'm weird.

Cousin Kex belongs to the Art, Design and Media(ADM) faculty at Nanyang Technological University(NTU). Thank goodness for her because she is, so to quote, 'weird' like me! Yay! You seriously need to have people playing on your team, you know. It sucks to be the only one fighting a battle.

So anyways, because Kex is female, there is more room for experimental fashion. And because it's the art faculty, you can have as much fun as you like dressing as outlandish as possible(think cowboy hat in zebra stripe print). Well, of course, keeping your sense of style in sight at the same time. We appreciate good taste, but it had better come with a keen sense of style.

Over the CNY period, the topic of dressing up 'crazily' for school comes up every now and then, and I definitely remember Kex talking about her experiences. For as much as I remember, Kex definitely talked about the fun factor in dressing up.

And I, forsure(yes, like it or not, it's one word now, bitch), remember my mother turning to me and say, “See, people like that then fun what”. OH MY GOD, I SO CAN'T BELIEVE SHE HAD SAID THAT!

It was sorta implying that I don't have fun dressing up for school. I mean, H-E-L-L-O, who is the one who insists I have weird fashion sense in the first place?

My faux straw hat: WEIRD.

Dark grey coal stripe skinny jeans: WEIRD.

Black trench coat: YOU SIAO OR WHAT?!

And that's as 'weird' as I get, ladies and gentlemen. But for the record, I don't feel weird in any way.

When I'm out with my straw hat, people just look. Sometimes they frown, and sometimes I know they're suppressing one. But do I care? No. I'm 'weird' by all their standards and that's fine with me. But likewise, for every single person that frowns, there's some one who will say, “Cute hat!” or “I like your hat!”. So I'm fucking smug now. Smug. Not weird. Okay?

And the striped skinny! Please, what's so wrong with that? The fact that it clings to the legs(got it, flaunt it) makes it unsuitable for a guy to wear it? There is no sense nor logic in that. Furthermore, it's not like I don't have people complimenting on the jeans, you know.

I'm just gonna skip the trench coat, okay?

So I was telling Kex about how my mother thinks I'm weird and all, and she says, “Then your mother should mix around with us[Kex and brother Hong] so she won't be so mainstream. My brother has countless beanies and 2nd hand T-shirts!”

Yay! That makes 3 fighting for the Weird Generation.

Kex and I carry the same model of Freitag wallet. A couple of days back, Kex's mother, my aunt, saw my wallet and realises that it works identical with Kex's wallet. She says in Hokkien, “这个是用车皮做的是吗？跟啊欣的一样。你们年轻人实在无聊。”

To translate, Kex's mother said, “This is made of truck tarps right? Same as Kex's. You youngsters nowadays are weird," commenting on the fact that the wallet is made from used truck tarps. Okay, you say 'truck tarps' and it sounds glamorous and classy. But if you were to say it in Hokkien, “车皮” pronounced 'chia per', it just sounds like we've got a wallet made out of trash. Oh wait, it is made out of trash...

Trash to trash-ure, I say.

And the thing we all appreciate about 2nd hand/used/abused/vintage/old stuff, our mothers will never get it. They will never never never ever get it. Because we're the Weird Generation.

Just went out shopping a bit today, and was pleasantly surprised that the cowboy boots at Oppt Shop at The Heeren are readily stocked. Going at around S$129 a pair, I'm even more tempted to get one pair myself. I've been wanting the cowboy boots since last year, just never quite got around to getting it. First, I don't have money. Second, I have wide feet. And cowboy boots are narrow. So wish me luck.

Cowboy boots: WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!

Weirded out now, see ya!

Penchant For Colour

I don't know what's gotten into me, but I have an addiction for colour.

Loud, intense, bright colours. Today, I got two pairs of bloody-intense-citrus-y-coloured socks! Citrusox even has their own website. Just pardon the bad English on the site, okay... Anyways,

LOVE THY COLOURED FEET!!!

P.S. *update* My mother came home, saw the socks, and got the shock of her life. Apparently, she's damned unhappy about my buying such colourful socks. According to her, the socks I bought are dreadful, and impossible to match with any outfit. She gushed out of the room, holding the socks and hollered, “你买这个做么？要配什么穿？长裤？！短裤？！恶心咯！”

He's A Jerk, So Get Over Him, Okay?