Vexed and Slacked

It's been a rough week. I'm so vexed. MONEY MONEY MONEY. Where to freaking get money?

Yesterday at work, I swear I completely slacked my buns off! Furthermore, there were quite a number of people on duty; too much in numbers, in fact. I would say we were overstaffed. I finally refused to be the only few on my feet the whole time. So I simply slacked lor. Maximised my minimal hourly wage.

After work, I realised that I had let precious time slip through my fingers just like that. Time is precious because I have plenty to do for school. Sometimes I wonder if I'm complacent or something, because I find myself losing my creative touch every now and then.

I lost a bit of my drive for school this week. A lot of things have been playing on my mind.

This whole bloody money issue have been playing non-stop in my head. What shall I do without money? Oh, that's right, I could do NOTHING.

Everyone seems to be hard up for money though. Yesterday, a colleague was planning her hours, hoping to earn her target salary, only to be dismayed. Cannot blame lah, huh. Minimal wage after all. 800 bucks is as far as we can go without losing our minds. I hate reality checks.

I am very negative this week. It sucks.

But where is all these negativity going to bring me? It's very good practice to always ask yourself this question when you're feeling down.

I have this little Book of Wisdom from way back in secondary school days, which I recently stumbled upon. This Book of Wisdom contains inspirational quotes and useful tips on happier living, all of which I collated from books and stuff.

Apparently well-forgotten, but I'm glad that it found its way back to me again.

Anyways, all these negativity will bring me nowhere. I find myself at a creative block when I feel negative, because negativity affects vision. To be more exact, negativity SHROUDS vision.

Vision is not all about seeing with the eye. Vision is an abstract, unique and personal experience. Without vision, nothing is possible.

Thus, all the negativity has to go. How long do I want to hold on to these negative thoughts?

We all have problems when it comes to letting go. I guess it's key to just keep moving on eh? No point holding on to things that bring pain or unhappiness. When you refuse to let go, it prolongs your suffering, doesn't it?

This week for me was just all moping, grumbling and griping. Which obviously wasted a whole lot of bloody time.

I constructed this cardboard display for school, where the use of glue of tape was prohibited. I screwed up bad. Others might say that it's perfectly fine, but I've learnt that I shall not live up to the expectations of others. What matters is that I be true to myself.

WHICH, sometimes becomes quite tricky when MY expectations are WAYYY beyond that of others'. Fine, I'm a perfectionist at what I do.

A concerned classmate, I forgot who, once highlighted the contrast of my work(mainly the paper sculptures) and theirs in general. It was said that the work I produced, in contrast, made theirs look bad or something. I don't know what to say in response.

So, if all my negativity was going to affect my work, I should banish it out from my system, say, IMMEDIATELY?!

What shall I replace these negativity with?

Things that make me happy, of course!

All the best to me, and ALL THE BEST TO YOU!