Little Bit Of Purpose, Anybody?

I'm back from my soul-searching with, unfortunately, nothing.

That's right, all that talk about losing oneself and trying to findback oneself are apparently a whole lot of bull.

I think I find myself at a burnout stage. Then again, I can't really confirm that I'm suffering a burnout either. I also thought I reached a point where I have to rethink many things in my life.

Generally speaking, I assume I'm confused. People express their enthusiasm when I tell them that I (finally) settled in Lasalle. Appreciate that very much. But I find myself losing enthusiasm!

It gets very discouraging at times. Somehow or other, I'm getting depressed. AGAIN. I'm kinda slipping in and out of feeling high and low. Very frustrating.

Perhaps I'm really too much of a perfectionist. So much so that I'm becoming an idealist!

Ghani said, "They call it 'ideal' because you cannot achieve an 'ideal' in life,"

Therefore, if things turn out to be less than ideal, I get discouraged and depressed. Obviously not an 'ideal' situation. Hence, I get discouraged and depressed. And the discouragement and depression snowballs. So can you imagine how terrible I really feel?

Yes, I DO FEEL TERRIBLE.

Eh, what's that at your knees? Oh!! IT'S YOUR JAW!

Anyways, couple of days back, I dropped my spectacles and shattered the lens at the rims. BLOODY HELL... It was some fucking expensive UV- and screen-glare- proof lens okay!

Went down to my optshop to get new lenses replaced. This time, the uncle pushed for me to get those unbreakable lens. And I do mean unbreakable.

I remember back in secondary school when I, too, had specs that were fixed with unbreakable lens. One fine afternoon, I carelessly flung my specs out of the FOURTH floor corridor of the classroom block. Scurried down to the first level like a blind rat, only to find my specs in PERFECT condition.

Therefore, now, with my specs at the lab, how to I move around, I hear you ask, since I'm blind as a bat without specs.

Well, I got myself contact lenses lah! That is despite strong opposition from my mother. But I got no choice right.

Plus, it's not like I enjoy sticking my finger into my eye.

As much as I cringe at the fact that I HAVE to stick my bloody index into my eye, I still had to do it.

I guess some things in life don't come with choices. Gotta do it even though you hate it. It's tough advice for me, okay. It's like slapping my own face. Sia suay...

Talking about suay, here's one ultra super duper SUAY thing that happened to me.

I didn't pay my broadband bills for three months. M1 sends their reminder letter. So I guai-guai paid off around S$90.

But then one day, I realised that my connection got cut-off. Thought it was so strange and unfair, when I obviously paid the bill! I ALSO HAVE THE TRANSACTION RECEIPT, OKAY!

To my horror, the 90 bucks that I paid went to the HANDPHONE bill instead. Fucking keyed in the wrong account number. Coincidentally, I got a call from M1 on the same day.

I've to say though, contrary to marketing and advertising slogans, the M1 broadband vodafone portable modem is NOT your best pal.

But I like M1 anyways because of their branding. Love the logo, love the colour, love the slogan.

Oh, and the M1BroadBand adverts! It's very classic how they presented it! Tightly kerned Sans serif. Sexy...

So, like I've said, the broadband connection got cut off, and I thought, well, at least it goes along with my plan to abstain from Internet.

One more thing I learnt about the Internet, which is supposedly a 'secret', is that the Internet sucks life out of time. I still cannot figure out if the Internet is a boon or a curse. I think it will be something that is debatable for eternity.

Read a book titled, The Flawed Glass.

Hey! Your jaws at your knees again!

Talked about a girl, Shona, on a Scottish island who couldn't talk and couldn't walk properly. However, she believed in a miracle that would set her free from the body she couldn't control. Then came a boy, Carl from urban US who introduced her to the computer.

And the computer, with proper telecommunication system, allowed Shona to 'talk' (through typing) to Carl even though they were miles apart.

The word processor and instant messaging system on the computer was the miracle that Shona had been hoping for.

My... How we take it for granted eh...

I would love to live on a remote island and be self-sufficient, away from any telecommunications. But then again, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

To date, I haven't been to work for three weeks now.

I'm telling you, the workplace now, is like this massive cauldron spewing scandals faster than you can retract that jaw of yours that seems to be at knee level all the time!

It used to be just mildly scandalous, but apparently, scandals are infectious. Of course, I'm in no way part of any scandalous relationship. Haha!...

But it's finally back to work tomorrow. Remember what I said about not liking something but having no choice but to do it? I do feel that way tonight.

I desperately need money. However, not THAT desperate yet.

I recently got down to getting my TRIA Pantone markers after contemplating for a VERY LONG time. Cos you know, they are terribly expensive and all, and they come in a gazillion shades of colour. I didn't wanna get a colour that I'll regret getting. I couldn't possibly get the box set—they go for over S$200!

So I just got Cyan, Magenta, Yellow, blacK and some shades of grey. OH MAN I LOVE THE GREYS!

I tried rather successfully at mixing the colours to get many other colours! Ultimately, I attempted to create the colours of the rainbow. *wink wink Sofian* ;D

Then I succeeded, okay! I wasted quite a lot of expensive ink lah, but I thought the colours came out exceptionally well. Good on, say, a handphone lanyard? *wink wink Ghani* ;D

Anyways, I had a really bad nightmare last night.

I was at a hawker centre. It's either the Golden Mile Army Market one or the Kuan Imm Temple there that one. I was alone, with my Freitag backpack full of stuff, including my Freitag-sleeve-protected MacBook.

I put my bag down at a table and went off to but food. I was very hungry, so I took a long time to get a lot of food, forgetting that no one was attending to my belongings.

But I did remember the sign they put up, asking us to not leave our belongings unattended.

So I hurried back to my table. It was the scariest moment. My bag was open, lying limp on the floor with the laptop sleeve lying on top.

MacBook gone! The bloody person took everything in my bag! Yet he left behind the Freitag backpack and Freitag laptop sleeve.

I swear I choked on my heart regarding the stolen MacBook. It's frightening.

But it's true that you can ALWAYS replace a MacBook, but you can NEVER replace a Freitag bag.