It's not easy, but this week's been just bad. Then suddenly, it's almost the end of semester 1.

I feel disconnected. Like there's something in between that's missing.

I was just saying hi to a lecturer, and he asked me, "How's everything so far?"

I replied, "Like that lor,"

"What's like that?"

Then it just hit me from nowhere!

I told the lecturer, "Un-inspiring."

And he assured me the next semester will be better.

That little assurance was the best thing that happened to me.

Anyways, back to 'un-inspiring'.

There is no better word to describe my current status. I feel unmotivated, uninspired and uninvolved. The only reason I'm completing my assignments is so that I can submit them in. Everything seems to be plunging downhill.

Of course I feel like crap! THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPENING!

In moments like this, I find it damned tough to feel positive.

When my school work started to interfere with my sleep pattern, I knew that things were not good. And the worst thing would be school work invading my dreams.

And it did happen!

If dreams and work collide, it is the worst sign of all. I cannot clear my head. I'm constantly fretting over my work. The more I fret, the more discouraged I get.

I'm probably very discouraged now. All I want to do is sigh. Plus I'd love to forget everything and start afresh. But obviously, I can't.

NYP is just another typical college, on a very serious note. Sadly, I'm not the typical college type of student. It's not even arty-farty enough for me.

They always tell us, '3D Animation is going to fetch money. 2D graphics will get you nowhere.'

How encouraging!!! Considering the fact that I'm more into graphic design.

MONEY MONEY MONEY. Why is it always all about the money?

The freaking lecturers love playing the 'Client game' too. They love to defend themselves by saying, "Imagine if I was your client.... blah blah.."

I would just think, "Excuse me, but we're in a school now? Reality check?"

The reason I only think and not voice out is because they will only rebut me. After which, I'd have nothing to say. It's a losing case right from the start.

And I cannot believe it's stereotypical and rigid around here. I feel like I'm being strangled. My creative juices have stopped flowing altogether. NYP, tragically, is an inhibitor instead of a catalyst.

The lecturers are uninspiring, to say the least. On my very first day, I met my first inspiring lecturer. And then I thought that most of the lecturers would be like that too. That was wishful thinking on my part. Truth is, I find the lecturers boring, rigid and well, UNINSPIRING.

But I'd like to say that I'm feeling exceptionally aggressive because this week sees multiple deadlines. All of which I'll be submitting crappy work.

I have kinda lost my focus. Losing steam also. I think by now, I have also lost all steam.

HOW CAN IT BE SO DEPRESSING?!?!